madly

Is it called something,

you know when you get that feeling when you see someone you like with somebody else, it’s not even when you see them, it’s when you even just think about them with somebody else, and you get a kind of sick feeling all over. Not jealous, because jealousy would have to suggest possession, but you aren’t with her, she doesn’t see you that way, she might not even see you at all, but it doesn’t stop that uncomfortable feeling that you get. Because you know it should be you that has her hand in yours, you that’s making her laugh and smile with your lame jokes. You want to say something, but that would be weird, you barely know each other. I mean you talked maybe a week ago, and you noticed yourself actively trying to impress her, to make her laugh. You wouldn’t stop talking, because it felt like you were in a bubble, and if you stopped talking it would burst, leaving you feeling like you lost a part of yourself.

You can’t see me, but could you tell me if that’s called something? 

I guess I just got used to the illusion of being the one getting to decide if things were going to work or not.

Why do I fall in love with every girl who shows me the least bit of attention?